At least I put a disclaimer on my Personality!

Internet dating. Oh man, it's a scary place filled with the refuse and rejects of humanity. I mean hell, I shop there don't I? Proof enough. Austin, TX internet dating is rife with pot and wannabe musicians but pretty free of sketch which has been GREATLY appreciated. However, the international market has proved itself to be a rough and tumble bunch filled with Bride seekers and Sketchers (not the show kind). Here is a promising, fledgling encounter that was quickly annulled due to an early on-set of SKETCH.

[9:56:23 pm]McCreepCreep:hi...

[9:56:33 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Hey! How goes it?

[9:56:53 pm]McCreepCreep:hi ..

[9:57:04 pm]McCreepCreep:its going great!!!

[9:57:10 pm]McCreepCreep:What about you??

[9:57:11 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Oh good!

[9:57:19 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Just finished 3 hours of hotpot

[9:57:25 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:I am ooooone happy American

[9:57:36 pm]McCreepCreep:nice !!!

[9:57:52 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:=p Yep yep

[9:57:56 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:What are you up to?

[9:58:22 pm]McCreepCreep:You:-->> A Terrific Happy American

[9:58:34 pm]McCreepCreep:me , just chilling out

[9:58:36 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Bwahahaaha in so many words- YES

[9:59:23 pm]McCreepCreep:what is that you love to do for fun?

[10:00:07 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Oh damn

[10:00:08 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Um

[10:00:44 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Kayaking, hiking, eating reading, tea-ing, talking, swimming, animal watching, photography, exploring, shopping, arcade basketball, snorkling, beach combing etc

[10:00:46 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:You?

[10:00:50 pm]McCreepCreep:it should be something terrific too ??

[10:01:04 pm]McCreepCreep:nice

[10:01:10 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:All of them are te-totally teriffic!

[10:01:14 pm]McCreepCreep:We do have some common stuff

[10:01:48 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:MMOs, video games, and the SIMs when it's nasty outside

[10:01:52 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:What do you like to do?

[10:02:22 pm]McCreepCreep:Hiking , chit-chat, hanging out friend, watch movies , photo graphy

[10:02:32 pm]McCreepCreep:and recently started going for swim ..

[10:03:00 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Oh nice!

I go to grad school here too

[10:09:46 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Oh nice! What university?

[10:10:02 pm]McCreepCreep:Tai Da ( NTU )

[10:10:32 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Nice!

[10:11:15 pm]McCreepCreep:hey what's your email id.. ?

[10:13:00 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:icanhasparadigm@gmail.com =) (fake, for ppl like this)

[10:16:36 pm]McCreepCreep:lets catch for a cup of coffee ..

[10:17:39 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:No thanks- tea for me! =p

[10:18:08 pm]McCreepCreep:ha ha : Hope the cafe will serve it especially for you :D

[10:18:27 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Lol alright then- I think I should be free Wednesday. Yourself?

[10:20:13 pm]McCreepCreep:Thursday 6: 30 pm, Taipei 101

[10:20:42 pm]McCreepCreep:101 is just tall enough for both of us to find :)

[10:20:50 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Sounds grand! I hope you don't mind if I bring my gaywingman with me?

[10:20:54 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Hahaha true enough!

[10:21:09 pm]McCreepCreep:gaywingman ??

[10:21:32 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:"wingman" a person for a girl to bringalong on a first internet date

[10:21:40 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:"gay" likes the same gender =) ***Damn I'm good***

so you mean, your another friend will come with you

[10:22:21 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Yes.

[10:22:29 pm]McCreepCreep:hmm first internet date .. scary huh?

[10:22:29 pm]McCreepCreep:hmm first internet date .. scary huh?

[10:23:02 pm]McCreepCreep:Don't you think, the coffee shop / 101 shopping mall will have enough people to protect you :P

[10:23:07 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Ohh noooo this is a favorite pass time in the states for me. Experience has simply taught it's best to bring along a third part =)

Have you noticed LE SKETCH?

[10:24:33 pm]McCreepCreep:I didn't thought, the internet will bless me 2 girls to date at same time :P

[10:25:27 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:...My bestie here is a 6ft red headed gay male....

[10:25:47 pm]McCreepCreep:aaila :

[10:27:10 pm]McCreepCreep:do you mind coming alone : and if we know each other well then next time I can meet your gay freind too

[10:27:37 pm]TheAwesomeBlogger:Oh no thank you though. That's the end of that. Have a good night! =)

And I signed off. Am I cruel? Yes. Am I snarky? Yes. Do you all love me and yet find yourself rubbing your temples to dispel an onset of Courtneymigraness? Oh, hell yes.

LOVES! And having a superb time here in Taiwan- kisses!

Wai!

So the first week and so has finally passed agonizingly slowly and classes have started. HELL YES! I can honestly say I'm excited about school! I know I may not seem it due to my spazztastic personality but it stresses me out to the max if I don't have some sort of duty/expectation/job to fulfill on a regular basis.

I get tasks. I get to-do sheets. I get working relationships. They're much less confusing than everyday handlings of yourselves among friends and acquaintances! I get really awkward when I'm around people and I don't know my role in the social dynamic. As a 學生 (student) of 中文 (the Chinese language) I feel useful and purpose driven on a daily basis which helps put me in a better mood, feel more confident, and aids in my dealing with people!

I'm not going to lie. I'm really uncomfortable over here. I had an AMAZINGLY AWESOME LIKE WOW night last night which helped pretty much put me over the moon and shoo the doldrums I had away; but still, I'm in a country where I can't speak the damn language! I'm so very very very excited to be studying! It's nice to not know something as simple as "What is your name" and within ten minuted commit it to memory and know that not only has your knowledge increased but you have grown as a person and your interactions with other people will be bettered for it! Waaaaaaaaaaaaiiiii! I can't wait to start meeting some Taiwanese friends! I'm finally going to plug into the local CouchSurfing crew here soon enough (this weekend) and RESPONSIBLY enjoy the club scene here! I get free drinks at clubs AND get to practice my Chinese with guys who are fervently hitting on me and, as such, with their hopes in "my pants" they have infinite patience with me! So I have hot tutors who pay ME! Epic SCORE!

All this Chinese is making me remember a whole lot of Spanish though! How strange is that? It's my go to foreign response. "Lo sient.....wait I mean 對不!" You know what that means right? I must go to Spain/Mexico after college to learn it as well! I can't say I have the linguistic bug but after 4 years of Spanish and living in Texas it is just a damn inefficient shame to let that go to waste! I mean seriously!

I need a lot more alone time here. Maybe it's because I'm rendered uncomfortable in a lot of situations I'm not used to (I can't stop awkward silences by cracking even more awkward jokes and leading to a friendly shared moment of "Oh jeez" HOW WEIRD IS THAT?!?) and as such my social anxieties kick into high gear. It's not that I'm not enjoying it! It's just I'm a hell of a lot more of an Introvert over here because A) I have to think REALLY REALLY hard whenever I do want to strike up a Chinese conversation with someone 2)If they do speak English I don't really want to waste my time not practicing Chinese 3) Taiwanese see me and go "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT! White 為國人! Must switch to broken English because of course a foreigner over here wouldn't bother to study the native language and expect English to be universal! 4) Goddammit I can't use my /humor properly- it's an invalid command!

I'm going to try and beat the crap out of my discomfort induced Introversion and start volunteering at a local High school for English lessons, try to plug into some English taught business/economics classes here, and generally mingle and just trust in the fact I tend to end up stumbling into really frickin awesome people!! Plus, I'm really excited about the clubbing! I can't say I'm going to go often (I don't think I'll be comfortable going in groups of less than five just for percentage possibility of finding a smaller group in large club crowds). But hey, It's CHEAP and super Fun! Would I do this in the US? Hell no. =p

Ummm what else? Yeah I can't say I'm 100% my badass self but some of my stresses and neurosis are wearing off. This is the country I've fallen in love with after all. My super amazing friend who helped me me to this part of the world helps a huge amount in the whole "Um lulz just calm down and have fun yeah?" I'm going out with him and his 美麗的 girlfriend to the gorgeously surreal and peaceful Maokong Mountain 貓空. Being there and having tea (even with the CIEE um, 'restrictions') was as close to being spiritually fulfilled as I've been in a long time. It was like when I was "on fire" and walked into a beautiful, empty church where I just immediately felt an immediate and complete peace. Yay Tea and serenity!

Mmmm- I think I'm starting to get the hang of this! Also, I'm not doing my "slightly depressed can't get unsleepy and/or motivated" because I have AWESOME CHINESE HOMEWORK! 好!

Meh- I'm done now. Love y'all and hope life in the states is Interesting- and yes I do mean that in the Chinese sense lol.

The Big Eh

Eh. Meh. So. I've been putting off writing this for a few days because I've been squirmy and a little testy. Why? I don't know. I think it's mostly self induced pressure to make this trip fantastic.

I mean, I'm having a good time? I don't know. Classes haven't started yet. I've made a good buddy. My dorm room is shaping up to be nice. (Oddest urge to be organized and decorative....WTF?)

I'm sad. I'm sad this is everything I expected and not yet all that I hoped. I am a realist of epic proportions, most of you know it's a trait I've cultivated and pride myself in. But still- mediocrity kinda sucks. I've gotten to see my friends which is AMAZING! But something is going on where I'm just not quiet enjoying myself as I should.



A mixture of fear? Anticipation? Self-evaluation and improvement that borders on obsessive compulsive? Too much thinking and pondering? Homesick? Missing friends? Confused about homebound issues? Yes, yes, and so on but still.

I'm a HUGE believer in the phrase "Smile like you mean it". It's one of the reasons I have the sense of humor I do and value humor so much. It's my way of getting through shitty times. Am I smiling? Am I having fun? Am I enjoying myself? Yes, of course. I wouldn't allow myself not to- this is too precious an opportunity!

It's probably loneliness. People here are fun but it took me 3+ years to form my Texas group of nakama/compadres/minions/cohorts. I hope I just manage to at least snag a couple of good buddies to share this experience with. That comes with time I know. Like I said I wanted to put this off a bit more til I shook off the humdrums but I figured if I waited too long I might never start.

Food is amazing. Dogs everywhere. Dorm kinda scary. Must decorate. 1 Western style toilet w00t! Moldy showers but with super hot water so it's ok. Long list of things to buy. Overpacked CIEE schedule. Class, FINALLY, tomorrow. I'm so shooting for the Beginner class. Animals everywhere yay. Planning trips to Hot Springs, Southern Islands, beach, city, etc. Lookin at CS events to join up with. Desperately trying not to indulge in SUPER SUPER cute clothing and shoes here.

Excerpts of Lewis Carrol poking fun at me:

MELANCHOLETTA

WITH saddest music all day long
She soothed her secret sorrow:
At night she sighed "I fear 'twas wrong
Such cheerful words to borrow.
Dearest, a sweeter, sadder song
I'll sing to thee to-morrow."

I thanked her, but I could not say
That I was glad to hear it:
I left the house at break of day,
And did not venture near it
Till time, I hoped, had worn away
Her grief, for nought could cheer it!
...
In vain we roared; in vain we tried
To rouse her into laughter:
Her pensive glances wandered wide
From orchestra to rafter -
"TIER UPON TIER!" she said, and sighed;
And silence followed after.

=p Oh yeah, I get it. =D

Memories: It's not just a song in Cats!

I've just been clicking back on my pictures from Taiwan last year and my stomach just leaps for joy. Is it Taiwan that I am so in love with? Or is it simply the fact that, at 21, I've taken my life in the direct I, and I alone, want it to go. I'm not going on an adventure in book. I'm not lying around daydreaming about my "What ifs and It could have been..."


Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm terrified! This is something I've wanted all my life. As I was sleeping surrounded by piles of books and nestled into my nooks I was sure I would always be a dreamer. Me? Travel? Ha! I couldn't even wake up on time for school let alone traverse a place where I didn't know the language! And then Couchsurfing and River tubing and Jessica and Deryl and Cameron...oh, I won't revisit that again. Most of you know that story and those of you reading this who don't I'm not sure if I know you well enough to share those precious memories. =p

I'm terrified because I'm so ecstatic. Aside from the Cambridge program I've never cared that much about anything in my life. Well, I've always had an eye on the future. "My life sucks now and I have no friends? I get beaten up in middle school? High school will be better! Crippling psychological, religious, and social scars from High School? College will be better! College ain't all it's cracked up to be? Well, at least you have friends now and graduate school and the work force will be awesome!" Bullshit I say! I mean, it's all true but I can finally say "Puck the future! The now couldn't be better if I dreamed it!"

God. I really am doing what I want with my life. I mean, really and truly. My blood makes me light headed thinking about it because it let's out a roar of joy that I can feel from my toes to the pounding in my ears. All those people who inspired me to the point of tears? The people on the internet I'd read about or hear about through friends whose adventures made me sick with envy? I GET TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


I am going to Taiwan to reaffirm who I am, to find out who I will be, and I seek the person I am to be. I picture it as my Spirit Quest, Asian Style. Am I going to be the intrepid world traveler whose feet has a scrape from Rome, a blister from Chile, and a bunion from Kalamazoo? Or will I go and return with an unimaginably large grin on my face and say "I'm ready to be home?"

The nesting side of me is already bemoaning having to give up my little crevice I've carved out here on campus (all issues aside) but HALLELUJAH! I'll get rid of all the CRAP I've accumulated! I feel like Sarah from Labyrinth (starring David Bowie('scrotchcough) when she begins to get covered by the trappings of childhood and materialism. Traveling is my Ludo solution for pulling myself out from under the chaotic mess!


But yes, I'm procrastinating cleaning and the mundane that must be done to finish this semester. Ah reality, you cruel cruel mistress!

Taiwan Super Happy Fun Time!

Welcome to my blog which will keep track of my Taiwan Adventures and my Super Happy Fun Times abroad!